You said "Hello" in the most special way!

For your 5th birthday we decided to take a family trip to San Antonio.  Not only is this your 5th birthday, but each day of the week fell just as it did the year you died.  We relived each day and the memories of that week.  It was an emotional week.

We drove to Austin on Thursday so we could watch the bats fly out from the Congress Street bridge and eat famous Austin food.  Our plan was to get up early and drive into San Antonio and spend your birthday at Sea World - of course wearing our We remember Adrian Joseph "A.J." MEND shirts.  Friday morning we got up and got on the road....and I-35 was a parking lot!

After sitting through traffic for a bit we decided to exit and go to the Natural Bridge Caverns and just go to Sea World Saturday instead.   We detoured through the winding country roads and arrived at the Caverns about 15 minutes before the next tour left.  We hustled in to buy tickets and get the boys to the potty.  The standard announcement "The next tour will be leaving in XX minutes, please meet your tour guide out on the terrace" was being made.  We were sitting on the terrace looking at the beautiful scenery around us as yet another announcement was made...although this one was slightly different.  "The next tour will be leaving in 5 minutes, please meet your tour guide, A.J., on the terrace."

My heart skipped a beat and my eyes welled with tears...was my imagination playing tricks on me?  No, about that moment a young 21ish year-old young man walked up with a name tag reading A.J.  I began trembling...this was not part of our plan...we were supposed to be at Sea World today...and we're not, we are here with a tour guide who has YOUR name.

I could barely contain myself.  I walked up to him and told him through the tears "Can I take a picture of your name tag?  I have a son who died 5 years ago today...and his name is A.J. and we were not supposed to be here, we were supposed to be at Sea World, and we are here instead...and God knew you'd be our guide...and we're here...and not there!!"  He smiled at me with an expression of "OH WOW" and read my shirt "Amber Zuckerman remembering Adrian Joseph "A.J." and said "My name is Andrew James".  He instantly ushered Eli and Alex up to the front of the tour group and we began.

A.J. took special care to point out the awesome cool stalagmites giving us a rather VIP experience.  After we were done, I was in the gift shop and A.J. came up to me...by then it had all sunk in.  "So let me get this straight, you weren't supposed to be here today?  You were supposed to go to Sea World, but instead God directed you here?  With me as your tour guide?  Can I ask what happened to your son?"  So as I stood there sharing your story with this young man, all I could think about is how amazing God is.  It is your 5th birthday...somehow we survived 5 years...and God keeps showing us signs that renew our trust, our faith, and our hope....

...and once again, God detoured our plan - for His plan!!!    

Yes God, We are listening.... :)

This week has been pretty emotional as we approach the Walk to Remember. Guess I'm due for a good cry. I have really been missing AJ lately. I have been blessed to see his life making an impact in the world through my work with MEND and that fills my heart with Joy.

I have been working on fund raising for the Walk and collecting donations for the raffle. We went to eat one night at Black-eyed-Pea and I decided to drop off a request letter while I was there. I usually would ask for the manager and go through my speech "My name is...2 1/2 years ago our son was born still at 39 weeks due to a true knot cord accident...we are members of a non-profit organization in the area and we host a ceremony each year...would you like to donate?" However, for some reason I simply handed the letter to the lady who seated us and asked her to have the manager come over if they were interested in donating. We ate and left assuming that they just simply were not interested.

2-3 weeks later, on a Saturday morning, I received a phone call from the BEP manager. She began the conversation with "I don't know what to say". This struck me as odd since it seemed easy to me - either you want to donate or you don't. I was quickly brought to tears as she proceeded to tell me that her niece had just had her baby girl 3 days earlier, born with Trisomy 18 and died 3 1/2 hours later. She said that she had come in to work after having been off for a period of time to find my letter on the desk that 3 managers share, unopened, waiting for this opportunity to surface. A God moment!

She and I proceeded to talk for about 45 minutes instantly connecting as if we had been friends for years. As we talked I stood outside a local shopping strip and a butterfly flew around and around. To me it was like AJ was right there doing the "Donkey" from Shreck - "Look at me...See what I did Mom...He picked me!!"

He picked me...I don't know why God picked me to endure this heartache, but that day I had a glimpse of the awesomeness of God. If I solicited to those 75 to 100 businesses in the DFW area to have His message reach this one family, then I am OK with that.

I am so blessed to be able to recognize the good that has come from AJ's death. I could easily!! allow myself to wallow in self pity, cry myself to sleep each night, and essentially give up, but that is not what God's purpose is for my life. His purpose is for me to use my talents to help others. And as a friend told me earlier this week, He knows that I am not afraid to meet a stranger and that I will spread His word. I would have never chosen to give my son the way that He gave His, but I am thankful to see that there is a purpose for Him taking AJ home too soon.

Mommy loves you AJ!!!