Sunday, April 29, 2007

An Epiphany...

Today at church we discussed the fact that if you listen and pay attention to the things God is doing in your life - then you begin to see how much He is actually doing. I have to believe that all of the babies and pregnant women we see everywhere we go is part of His plan.

This is one of those situations in life in which friends who have recently had a baby or are pregnant have a sobering reality check - appreciate every day you have with your children (in the womb and out)!!!. We want those of you who have had a baby or are pregnant to talk to us...don't avoid us...but understand that it will be HARD for us. We are happy and excited for you. We might cry...we might not be ready to hold your baby...not because we don't necessarily want to, but our arms ache to hold AJ (Yes they physically ache). It's not fair to your baby for us to hold them and burst into tears...

So on to my epiphany for today. God is placing all of the babies and pregnant women in our path as a part of His plan to restore our hope. Seriously - at lunch today there were 6 tables in a small place - crowed restaurant - and one table had a pregnant woman, 2 had newborn babies and another with a probably 6 month old. There was no where else to sit in the entire place and so we sat there. I tried so hard to to cry all the way through lunch. A couple of times I welled up - but I resisted breaking down. I left and began thinking about the situation. At the time I sat there feeling somewhat sorry for myself that AJ wasn't with us at that moment. How badly I want to hold a baby again without bursting into tears. But as I began looking to God for "why can't we go anywhere without being surrounded by that which is a constant reminder of our loss" - I realized that maybe He is using these situations to restore our hope. Hope that we may go on to have another child in the future. Hope that we will be able to help others going through (or who will go through) this same situation in life. Hope that we will again be able to hold a baby without crying. Hope IS part of His plan.


Rebecca said...

I loved being pregnant because it was such a hopeful time. When William died, I thought I could never hope like that again...and honestly, I'm not really back to hoping again yet. But you are right -- all those pregnant ladies and tiny babies are full of hope and the promise of good things to come.

Today marks one month since your little boy passed away (and three months since mine did, too). I pray that God will fill you with His hope when you have none of your own.

with much love,

Laura said...

Well said! My husband and I were just talking about this type of thing recently- I wrote something similar on my blog about pregnant people and for some reason it seems like people with loss are always seeing pregnant people and babies- the odd thing now is that many of my friends who have had losses have children- and many of those friends I've met on that journey have more than one! It gives me a new perspective on what the mom or an angel looks like- I think if people looked at me- they would have no idear that I am a mom to two angels- my children are very close in age- it certainly has been an epiphany of sorts for me recently- reflecting on that- congratulations to you by the way- I've been looking at your blog and see that your arms are full with a new blessing! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Keeping your family (blessed & broken) in my thoughts and prayers!