Saturday, June 2, 2007


I have to return to work on Monday...I am not ready.

At home I can limit my social interaction. I don't have to talk if I don't want to. I don't have to open the door if I don't want to. I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to. I can choose who and when to see - when I'm ready to see them.

But I have to go back to work and I'm scared. The Amber that no more. The confident, outgoing, outspoken, OCD Amber - is now quiet, broken and hurting. What if all I can do is cry? What if I say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time? I am not strong enough to be strong for anyone else. I can't remember to do simple things, how am I supposed to be able to run an office and be the problem solver? What if people don't trust me to do my duties or ignore me and the fact I had AJ? What if????

So many people tell me that they admire my strength and faith. I am not is Christ giving me the strength to get through each moment of each day. He carries me through each emotion and each moment.

I know that He will be guiding me through my days back at work. Lord, give me strength when I have none. Restore my light, my confidence, my focus. Guide others when approaching me, give them words of peace and hearts of help and understanding.

AJ - we miss you so much. Our hearts physically ache and so do our arms to hold you. Shine bright my little star so that we may see you through the clouds at night. We love you always!!