Thursday, October 1, 2009

Yes God, We are listening.... :)

This week has been pretty emotional as we approach the Walk to Remember. Guess I'm due for a good cry. I have really been missing AJ lately. I have been blessed to see his life making an impact in the world through my work with MEND and that fills my heart with Joy.

I have been working on fund raising for the Walk and collecting donations for the raffle. We went to eat one night at Black-eyed-Pea and I decided to drop off a request letter while I was there. I usually would ask for the manager and go through my speech "My name is...2 1/2 years ago our son was born still at 39 weeks due to a true knot cord accident...we are members of a non-profit organization in the area and we host a ceremony each year...would you like to donate?" However, for some reason I simply handed the letter to the lady who seated us and asked her to have the manager come over if they were interested in donating. We ate and left assuming that they just simply were not interested.

2-3 weeks later, on a Saturday morning, I received a phone call from the BEP manager. She began the conversation with "I don't know what to say". This struck me as odd since it seemed easy to me - either you want to donate or you don't. I was quickly brought to tears as she proceeded to tell me that her niece had just had her baby girl 3 days earlier, born with Trisomy 18 and died 3 1/2 hours later. She said that she had come in to work after having been off for a period of time to find my letter on the desk that 3 managers share, unopened, waiting for this opportunity to surface. A God moment!

She and I proceeded to talk for about 45 minutes instantly connecting as if we had been friends for years. As we talked I stood outside a local shopping strip and a butterfly flew around and around. To me it was like AJ was right there doing the "Donkey" from Shreck - "Look at me...See what I did Mom...He picked me!!"

He picked me...I don't know why God picked me to endure this heartache, but that day I had a glimpse of the awesomeness of God. If I solicited to those 75 to 100 businesses in the DFW area to have His message reach this one family, then I am OK with that.

I am so blessed to be able to recognize the good that has come from AJ's death. I could easily!! allow myself to wallow in self pity, cry myself to sleep each night, and essentially give up, but that is not what God's purpose is for my life. His purpose is for me to use my talents to help others. And as a friend told me earlier this week, He knows that I am not afraid to meet a stranger and that I will spread His word. I would have never chosen to give my son the way that He gave His, but I am thankful to see that there is a purpose for Him taking AJ home too soon.

Mommy loves you AJ!!!