Monday, July 16, 2007

Silent Grief

Two more babies died last week - that I know of at least. I know that babies die all the time, but until you live it - it is not spoken of. People don't usually offer this type of information unless they know you have a similar experience. Why? People - children - have died - why is it taboo to talk about? When some one's husband, grandparent, sibling or parent dies - we don't suddenly stop talking about them as if they never existed! Our babies are real people that died...each had their own personality...each one sent to fulfill a purpose.

People often say things to imply that we should be over AJ's death by now. These people feel the need to point out that we should be moving on or finding joy in other things. We do have joy in other things. We find joy in the fact our feet hit the floor this morning and we have yet another day here on earth to watch Eli grow up and family and friends to share life with. We have JOY in God and the perfect plan He has for us.

But while the average friend or family member has gone back to living their life, our life to live is that our son died. He is not here. We can't escape that for even an hour of our day. Others may only remember our pain when they see or talk to us, but we breathe our pain every minute of every day. Occasionally, if we are lucky - something might distract us long enough to smile and have a good laugh. But for as long as we live, we will always hurt. We will never be the same people we were before - but that may not be a bad thing.

Don't make us be silent in our grief. We talk about AJ all the time at home and intend to for the rest of our lives honor his life. Don't belittle our pain. Don't shun us because we may not have something "happy" to talk about. Just let us be - but please - just be there with us!!