7 Months

Today is full of VERY mixed emotions. I start my new job in 2 days - that's great! My office is once again being unbelievably wonderful with a luncheon for me today. I just got a huge beautiful bouquet of yellow flowers complete with daisy's and roses...my favorite - thanks!


AJ would have been 7 months old today. Becoming the little man that I imagine him to be. The hurt is so overwhelming and consuming it is simply indescribable. I just want to sit here and cry until I have nothing left to cry.


I have a picture of pregnant me and Eli that is perfect in every way. I keep that picture on my desk because it is the only picture I have with me and both of my boys here on earth. I usually hate pictures of me, but this one was divinely planned and perfect in every way.

A Walk to Remember

October 6th was the 11th annual MEND Walk to Remember - our first year of course. The ceremony was beautiful. Eli got to wear his "I'm the BIG Brother" shirt for the first time. It was so great to be surrounded by friends and family - it sometimes feels like everyone has just forgotten and moved on and - hence expects that we have done the same.

Over 400 people attended the walk and over 150 babies were remembered - WOW. The enormity of how many families are touched by the loss of a child (or several children) is unreal.

The balloon release at the end was so peaceful and truly amazing. You know - when one balloon is released, you tend to loose sight of it rather quickly. However, on Saturday with over 400 balloons floating in the sky it seemed like we could see them forever before they disappeared. I suppose that is the same when you are touched with one baby dying...the memories for some disappear quickly, but when you lump them together and say 150 babies have died - it's huge and a little harder to forget. Each balloon is such an important part of the bigger picture and carries so much more than a special note written on the outside.

Each of the lives represented with those balloons is changing the world we live in each day. So the saying - 1 person can make a difference in this world is true - 1 person who isn't even here to create the memories or live the life we'd planned matters so much to our big picture of life - and it's up to us to be sure their lives don't lose meaning.

I ask that next time you have an opportunity to acquire a balloon, that you take it and send it up to our little AJ. Take time to watch it float into the clouds until you can't see it anymore. Take time to slow life down and appreciate all of the blessings God has bestowed upon you and you watch your balloon disappear into the clouds.