Merry Christmas

Should you look up on Christmas Eve, and see a shining star

Think of our dear AJ, as he shines brightly from afar.

Should you sit down at the table, to eat your Christmas dinner,

Say a special little prayer, for those broken hearts this winter.

Should you find yourself without the words, to say to us this year,

Just know that a simple hug will do, as we shed another tear.

To all those families hurting this Christmas, we pray that God's love enfolds you and you find peace in the holiday season. To our families and friends, thank you for being there to laugh with, cry with and share this very difficult year with.

If AJ's life has touched your life in any way, please send us a note or message. We'd love to know how little AJ has made a difference in your life. Merry Christmas to all!!

Instant Gratification

I don't know about you, but I am all about instant gratification. When we buy something, we want it now (probably why I don't shop online often). When we make something to eat, we want to eat it now. And when you carry a baby for 39 weeks, you want to hold that baby until he/she absolutely wont let you hold them anymore. As a mother, I don't know if that feeling of never wanting to let go of your child ever goes away completely...but going to college with your mother around your leg isn't so cool...and I get that!

In two weeks, AJ will be 9 months old. I so wish I could hold him. The pain is quite unbearable actually. I went to visit with Jen and Sawyer the other night on the way home...Sawyer and AJ are only one month apart...and I just hurt for AJ not being here. Sawyer was so fun and cute - I am so blessed to have him in my life as a reminder and mile marker. But OMG it hurts so bad!! The boys should be playing together...best buds like we had planned. This is not the picture I painted in my mind. Not the class I signed up for. Not the way it's supposed to be....

Gifts...

Tonight was the annual MEND Christmas Candle Light Ceremony. It was a beautiful service. Rebekah, the founder of MEND, spoke about gifts. I think everyone likes to receive gifts, but sometimes the gift we receive is not what we think we are getting or what we think we ought to have...but yet we wouldn't return it or exchange it for anything.

The gift of compassion is one of the greatest gifts we too have received from AJ's life. Heartfelt empathy for others going through rough times. I look back over the last 8 months and can't really tell you what I've done. So much of the time is a blur and some I can't even recall. But one thing I can recall over the last 8 months are the new friends we have met through MEND and what a true blessed gift they are to our lives. To share the hurt with others, to hurt for them as they hurt for you. A strange, yet simple, yet absolutely great gift.