Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Mind Meld....

Today - well it was a really bad emotional day. It started off rough - and rough stuck around.

I had an early appointment. I forgot my cell phone at home, so when I got out of my appointment at 7:45 (too distraught to go to work at that moment) I went back to the house to get my phone. It was a 'total' God thing that just as I reached to unplug my phone on the counter - crying like a baby - the phone rang and it was my dear friend Jane. I squeaked out a "Hi" - and I think an "I'm ok" before I broke down crying. At that moment I think I was crying more that God sent her to me at that very moment - knowing how much I needed her. She and I have this mind meld thing going on and she said to me "something just told me I needed to call you". :-)

I stood in the bedroom holding AJ in my arms (I'm not crazy - we had him cremated) crying - praying for peace. I've really had a hard time being specific in prayer lately, but I just kept asking God to give me peace. And sure enough, after a few minutes of begging - a peace came over me and I was able to get myself together enough to go to work.

A friend - another mother from MEND - said that she was in a funk the months leading up to her baby girl's Birthday, but once the day came she had a very peaceful day. I can definitely relate to being in a funk. I don't want to talk, the weirdest things make me cry, my heart hurts exponentially more each day at the mere mention of a child, sight of a pregnant woman, baby, anniversary, song, you name it - I hurt. I analyze it to be because this time last year we were so close to the finish line and so full of anticipation and plans. Reliving each day parallel to last - hurts.


r_is_moody said...

Amber, I'm so sorry that these days ares so hard for you. But how nice that God blessed you with your friend calling. He does give us what we need when we need it.

Thinking of you. (((HUGS))