Monday, April 28, 2008

Happy Birthday Blog...

I sat numb in my room tonight as I found the journal I used to document the first days after AJ died. I stopped my last journal entry in mid sentence, "At one point during the service I turned my head to see who was there, and the...". I can't tell you what happened to my train of thought, but the finish to that sentence was "...the...first person I saw was Dr Peters, and I lost it."

I knew in my mind that at some point last April I began this blog to document where we had been and where we were going. I'm so thankful for dear old blog, you see - without this, I would have NO idea what had happened in our lives for about 4 months after AJ died and would have little recollection of the remainder of the year.

I suppose because I have no actual memories of this time last year, I have returned to a sense of numbness. On some levels I am reliving the pain, but I can't remember - so it is different. I just find myself with a dull ache and emptiness. Sometime overwhelming sadness, sometimes not. A holding pattern of sorts I suppose.

So I find it only fitting to wish my dear old/new friend - - HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!! You have provided a much needed outlet, support and memories. Thank you to my faithful readers. God bless those who have happened upon our story during a time of sadness and hurt for your own children. Thank you for emailing me to let me know that AJ's life touched yours. May his memory live forever.


r_is_moody said...

Happy birthday to your blog Amber!!!

Always thinking and praying for you.

Sharee said...

Don't I know the feeling! It's been 5 years since our first loss. Going on 3 yrs for our last loss ...girl, I still allow a good numb moment and a cry.


crazy beautiful mom! said...

Feelings a mother should never have to feel. It's only been almost 3 months since I lost my daughter and I'm still in the numb period all the time. It sucks!

I've just started blogging and added you to my blog roll :)