Happy Birthday Blog...

I sat numb in my room tonight as I found the journal I used to document the first days after AJ died. I stopped my last journal entry in mid sentence, "At one point during the service I turned my head to see who was there, and the...". I can't tell you what happened to my train of thought, but the finish to that sentence was "...the...first person I saw was Dr Peters, and I lost it."

I knew in my mind that at some point last April I began this blog to document where we had been and where we were going. I'm so thankful for dear old blog, you see - without this, I would have NO idea what had happened in our lives for about 4 months after AJ died and would have little recollection of the remainder of the year.

I suppose because I have no actual memories of this time last year, I have returned to a sense of numbness. On some levels I am reliving the pain, but I can't remember - so it is different. I just find myself with a dull ache and emptiness. Sometime overwhelming sadness, sometimes not. A holding pattern of sorts I suppose.

So I find it only fitting to wish my dear old/new friend - ajsmom-n-dad.blogspot.com - HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!! You have provided a much needed outlet, support and memories. Thank you to my faithful readers. God bless those who have happened upon our story during a time of sadness and hurt for your own children. Thank you for emailing me to let me know that AJ's life touched yours. May his memory live forever.

March for Babies

We are walking to remember - we are walking to honor - we are walking to love!!
Please participate in any way you can - prayers, walking with us, money, or simply donate a HUG in memory of AJ to someone you love!!

God Bless!!

Update = 4-28-08

WE DID IT!! WE MADE IT ALL 5 MILES AT THE MARCH FOR BABIES ON APRIL 19TH.

We were blessed to be joined in the walk by many in spirit, financial support and in person. THANK YOU to all who helped us reach our goal!! Jenn, Sawyer, Jane, Linda, Mo and Deseri all got together to help us march our way to the finish line along the "Path of Hope".

Along the Path of Hope, about every 20 feet or so, there was a marker remembering, honoring and celebrating babies and children. Lives that touched the world or continue to change the world on a daily basis. It was beautiful. Next year (and the years to come) we hope to honor AJ with his own special sign of inspiration. We couldn't survive this life without our Lord and Savior, our family and our friends. Blessings to you all.

Founding families of "Team Adrian"

Fito & Jackie - Proud Parents of Adrian James "AJ"

Al, Amber & Big (tired) Brother Eli - Proud Family of Adrian Joseph "AJ"

Auntie Jane and Mr Eli -
aka Larry - riding the bus back to the car...

Jenn and Sawyer

What fun we had!!!! The boys slept for a good part of the walk - enjoyed their cool ride - thanks to Jeep! It was an awesome experience and we look forward to doing it again and again!!! Get your walking shoes ready...next year we MARCH again!!!

How did I get here?

Growing up with a single mother, one of three children - middle child at that, was not easy. But you would have never known it. My mother worked 2-3 jobs, 5 when you included the jobs of being mom AND dad. I can't ever remember "wanting" for something I didn't have, because she did everything in her power to provide for our every want, need and desire. Sure, I didn't wear 'Guess' jeans or have the latest or greatest leg warmers (80's child!), but I had what all those kids who had that 'stuff' didn't have. I had a mom that taught us the difference between right and wrong. She taught us it is ok to be different - we were special without the fashion and popularity. She taught us we could accomplish absolutely anything we set our mind to - the only limits we have are those which we place on ourselves. She taught us, by example, that God will always be there to sustain us when all of the worldly possessions and people fail you.

I can't imagine walking this path in my life without God. Without knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the day I die, I will be reunited with AJ and all those loved ones that go before us. Without knowing! that I will see my savior's face and be in total awe at how blessed I have been to walk with him, have him as my protector and guide through this now current 'hell' that I think I am living. He guides my way daily, gives me strength to get out of bed and face this cruel world, teaches me compassion first hand so that I may be a comfort to at least one other person in this world.

I know there is nothing I can do to bring back my baby. And likewise, I know that God has left me here for a purpose. I will be AJ's voice. I will follow His will for my life. I will do as I am asked - because He first loved me and gave me the gift of grace. Because MY mother taught me the importance of faith - not religion. Because she taught me forgiveness, difference, kindness, dedication, compassion, creativity, humility and love - all Father filtered.